i not lyk to day lol....
sadness has always cum to me to make me feel so damm lonely..
once i step into the skool i will noe how my day is goin to be after all..
sadness..darkness.loneliness..
all alone by myself at one corner in one room aall by myself..
i noe my whole life onli and tis 2 colours:
black and white..tats all..
i feel lyk cryin any1 out dere wan to lend me ur shoulders??

sad is the word i noe..
my dic onli have the word sad not happy..
onli sumtimes happy is in my dic tats all..
can ppl tell me why tis happenin to me?

no one care whether im around or not..
i think i does not make any difference to anyone ard me lol..
DARLING im so damm sorry abt it..
sorry to disppoint u...
u noe wad i hv a thinkin od dyin now can..
penknife is lyk calling to me to to him la..
so ppl jus let me die i dun make any difference to anyone oso..
so wad if im emo is oso not ur bussiness rite..
so busybody 4 wad u tell me?
i no longer the person u noe me b4 ppl..
i change liao le..
the person hu u noe in the past die liao le..
and importantly:
the best thing is i quit volleyball this may not happen..
sorry guys if i trouble u all so much hope tat u all 4give me..
and accept me can?then new me tats all..

haiz damm sad lol 2day..


saturday: 28 july2007


haiz sian la..
someone sae tat i always angry and pissed wif the class la..
wen i hear tis wad she sae is true la im lol..
haiz i dun bother abt it liao le can..
the class dun appreciate it then i dun care abt u ppl liao le..
tats finally..no more..
so i will care for the ppl hu appreciate me lots..
love u ppl hu appreciate me big time..
tats wad i will do frm now lol..
wad for i go waste my efforts on ppl hu dun appreciate me lei..
i mus well dun waste it..

today so many ppl cried in my class can..
so damm scary lol..which i dun really lyk to see lol..
damm scary my good frenz cryin scary sia not onli her still hv lol.
ppl if u all nid a shoulder im willin to lend u my shoulders to lean on lei..
really i mean it..cum find me if u wan k..
i promise i will oso be a good listener too..
hahas..ppl if i nid 1 2 will u ppl do the same to me??
i think i abit siao siao de lol..
i wonder hu appreciate me ar?jus wanna noe..
at least i noe hu to care more hu i should not bother then..

after skool..
me yenton esther and zeb..
go down frm 3lvl..wen we cum down tat time u noe wad we saw?
we saw suhan zebi's dad..my godsis..hahas..
so damm happy can..
hey mei u owe me 2letters lol..better pass it to me 2morrow durin NDP..
wan sweet cum find me ok mei i willin to giv u lol.
ppl frm grp 11 and 12 too cum find me if u all wan lol..
after i chat wif suhan i went back home straight lol..
i nvr eat in skool sia..dunno wad to eat oso so sian le lol.
2day i eat bee hoon and wanton 4 dinner lol..
i help to do the wanton can onli me and my mum do.
the rest jus help us eat can liao le.hahas..
hu wan next time i do 4 u all to eat..
if u dare to eat la..not its ok de..hahas..
tats all for the day..
nth really happen to me la..
i jus veri happy tat if i can see my godsis..
it is nice to have em..feel happy wen they are ard me lol..
i feel begin love and care..hahas
here i goes again nvm i think i better dun continue liao le..
byee have to do my maths liao le..
love my godsisters and me more then i love u lol..jokin onli..
love ppl hu concern abt me all lol..same goes to the teachers..
esp i love my darling and godsisters the most in my life..
rock on ppl..u are the best of all..
but importantly i rocks more dun u agree wif tat too..
hahas..okok fair for all..
all of us rocks than the ppl hu sucks(sorry abt the sucks word)





durin CD..
my class discuss wad kind of design they wan 4 the class shirt..
abt 1period over i get abit pissed wif the class la..
wad design tat zed pong and frenz design they dun wan it..
then i call them design lol..
the class dun wan to work wif me so i shouted..
then they sae shout wad shout u shout up 1st lol..
they i keep quiet lol..
1person how to fight wif the class..
i wen back my place to do my maths lol..
i onli bang my pencil box on the table onli wad..
then the tay yu wen shout at me me sae:patricia can u dun show attitude ma?
the ok i keep quiet nvm i dun bother..
then my chair missin they i sit on the floor...
then i decide to cry to release the stress i have and the anger inside me tats all la ..
then ppl sae tat all i wan is ppl ard to pity me and to have attention frm them la..
and is lyk i nvr sae i wan rite..
wads u ppl the problem..i cry not cos of tat can..
can u ppl sae wad happen not b4 u all cum scold me ma?
i oso have feelin de can..
u ppl jus make my life veri hard la..
4 u ppl to noe begin a monitor is lyk not tat easy can
hav to keep the class quiet if not we are they ones hu will get all the scoldins 1st can..
cant u ppl jus spare me a thought ma..
i veri the stress to control the class liao le lei..
always im the onli 1 shoutin lyk hell in the class the other 3monitors dun shout as u ppl noe..
is not i lyk to shout lei i shout later i hv sore throat is me lei im the 1 hu will have de lei..
ppl i tell u all..
if u ppl dun wan me to continue to be monitor tell me la..
i tell the teachers tat i step down lol..
then u ppl no nid me to shout liao le lol...
they i bet u ppl will be damm happy abt it de rite..

after skool i saw suhan then i tok to her..
to let out the stress tat i have inside me la..
after tokin to her i feel abit relax lol..
havin her as my godsister is fun and i lyk her as my godsis..
i find tat sum times she reaaly understand how i really feel deep down lol..
suhan thanz for begin a good listener ar..
happy to hv u ard help me wif all the problems i have lol gal u rocks la..
if i dunno u i dunno hu i will really tel any1 abt all this can..
help me to be not tat stressful i have in the beginin can.

durin trg..
i not tat happy oso la..
cos i still cant play la can..
cos of my hand still not totally recover yet lol..
then mon goin sum skool to play friendly match..
but i so damm scared lol is lyk i 1week nvr trg liao le can..
hahas..but i can do it de lol..
ppl believe in me tat i can do it de..

I M NOT EMO..
i jus stress tats all..not emo ok ..
totally not emo at all k 4 ur info..

i cried 2 times 2day la can..
my fren go press my hand la..
and it is lyk so damm painfull can..
then another of my fren is push me then i go knock onto sth..
damm pain la can..
ppl still bully me can..
wen i injured my hand..
wad so funny abt i injured my hand..
u ppl try la..ur hand injured ur frenz keep laughin abt u..
how will u ppl feel abt it..
i dun lyk u noe..is painful can..
wad i wanna do oso cannot do la..
i wan to go 4volleyball cannot..PE oso cannot..
let me feel so damm bored la can..
im lyk a sports person suddenly i cant do sports cos of my hand..
i feel veri weird de la..really i not lyin lol..is true..

still feelin sad 4 the day can..
i dun lyk ss la can..
my frenz sae i change liao le..
ya so wad i change i use hp or mp3 player..
i oso human lei so wad im a monitor!
i lyk it can liao le can..
no nid to ask u ppl de can..
i wan to have a shoulders to let me lie on can..
hu will be the one willin to let me lie on their shoulders..
if can can u tel me ma i really nid 1 for tis period of time..
wen i keep on begin sad moody mood swing all..
pls anyone out dere wish to lend me..

durin NDP..
i not tat happy la..
i cant do i onli sit down dere onli..
see ppl do..so cool can..spot their mistake lol..
esp stephaine soon la..u ppl nvr see wad she do damm funny can..

AFTER NDP:
damm happy cos i saw my godsisters all..
they make me feel so happy la can..
i saw sharifah my darling and my godsis suhan..
love em sia..
so fun i go mess up godsis's hair la..
she not angry wif me..hey wen i see u can i do tat?
hope u dun mind abt it la..if u mind pls tel me..
i dun wan my godsisters not happy wif me de so ya..a mus ar..

tats why i love to have godsisters lol..
they sometimes wen i see em automatic happy liao le can if im sad..
u all do rocks my life and brighten up my day of my la..
see u ppl i happy if i dun i will be sad de lol..
really if i at least see u all i feel better de...
so i love u all...love godsisters all..



damm sad 2day...tats the mood 4 the day..
i will be transparent to people around me liao le..
ONCE A LONER..ALWAYS A LONER..
i cant change the fate given to me..
so hate lessons during physics class la can..
i keep on shoutin lyk hell..then they dun bother la..
so damm noisy lol then they keep on playin ans playin
then is lyk im transparent to them can..
IM NOT TRANSPARENT AT ALL LA..

is lyk begin a monitor so damm hard la..
then at the same time i have to study harder and prove my parents wrong..
so damm stress i cant take this anymore la can..
i oso not tat willin to be a monitor..is not i wan de..
is teachers call meto do de can..
why u ppl frm 3b are jus tryin to drive me more and more crazy?
cant u ppl understand how i feel?
veri busy always hav to help u ppl..
call u all to keep quiet all..
hey i alone i cant do all this lei..we are as a class..
sth to ask 3B ppl:
u ppl treat me lyk tat u ppl wanna take over my place?
u ppl wanna drive me crazy rite?
if tis is the way i dun mind tat i step down de lei..

i veri stress wif all tis..
why so damm stress now la can..
i veri stress this few days cant really do things rite!
i give up ok ma?
VERI THE STRESS..
i dun wan to be in tis way of living la can..
my heart broken to pieces liao le..
leave a scar behind liao ..no point tat i recover rite?
veri stress 4 me veri..
hu care 4 me so much u tell me..

even in my cca i not lyk last time lyk tat liao le lei..
i feel tat my interest in volleyball not lyk hw i was interested de..
always go 4 cca..if i nvr go lyk alot of trg i miss..
feel veri uncomfortable de la..
tell me hu can sae tat u or who ever noe alot abt me..
noe how i really feel deep inside me?
no one rite..100% no one really understand me la can..

i feel tat i totally change liao le..
i lyk no longer patricia..feel more lyk a loner liao le..
hu cares so mush 4 me no one ..
so why i still care 4 myself..
i think of ill treatin myself lei..
lyk cuttin myself..slashin...
dun eat anythings..
tats me i think..

i feel damm sad 2day la can..
i cant play volleyball or go for pe la..
i wan to go can..
cos of my hand i cant go..
tat ESTHER YEO scold me 2day..
she dun let me take the tables la can..
cos she sae my hand injured still can to take tables..
i dun wan la..i oso wanna help them to put the tables and chairs..
haiz wadeva lol esther yeo..
u and ur laopo keep on fallin and fallin..
tell me to take care of myself u 2 oso keep fallin..
then u ppl oso have to take care of ur hand oso can..
so ya i take care of myself u 2 oso have to take care of urself oso la can..

people i dun lyk myself liao le..
i feel lyk i loser la can..
damm left out frm my frenz all can..
cum to group work i always no group de..
my heart really hurt la can..
why tis always always happen on me de la..
i dun wan can i dun wan it..
and i dun wan ppl to pity me la..
NO ONE LYK ME I NOE ALL I CAN DO IS ACCEPT THE FATE I HAVE TATS ALL..
i dunn wish to bother u ppl liao le....
since u ppl dun really appreciate wad 4 i still bother abt it so much..
then from 2day onwards i will not cum disturb u ppl liao le..
u ppl dun appreciate wad i have done..
i think i have no point so continue to be so damm nice to u all rite..

i wil not care abt anyone now..then ppl hu i goin to care are:
all my godsisters..
family members..
sec1s frm my cca..
ppl hu really really care abt me onli..
the rest of them i not goin to care abt le..
u ppl dun really care abt me wad4u ppl still wan me to care..
u tell me la..why i still wan to care..

i feel left out..
so wad u ppl dun care i care so much 4 wad?
i wan to quit volleyball but i cant la..
wad can i still do..
all i can do is jus continue wif this cca lol..
i suffer suffer lol..
dun mind to suffer again liao le..
i suffer so much liao abit more does not make any different to me liao le..

i hate ANGIE TAN..she sucks man..
cos of her i get scoldin and bittin frm my dad..
bit until got blood la..fuckin shit lol..so damm pain can..
then is lyk i not in the wrong la..
then they nvr ask properly they jus scold me and bit me la..
so damm unfair to me can..
they so damm pian xin la can..
wad kind of parents they are u tell me..

then 2day i go bandage my hand la..
the chinese doctor help me wif my hand..
hen he press until lyk so damm pain la can..
then bandage my hand until veri the big lol..
now i hardly bend my hand la..
if i bend is lyk so damm pain la can...

i so hate 2day..i dun wan to be in this family can..
always the oldest get all the scoldin 1st la can..
so damm unfair to me..
why cant anyone jus treat me fairly ma?

so damm sad la can..
i feel lyk i totally no needin to be in this world lyk tat can..
i cant even help or do anything...
wad 4 i still stay in this freakin world!!
so damm hurt la can..
why cant anyone lyk me to be around?
dun make use of me can liao le..
care for me is dere anyone ma?

wen i siao siao i happy
if not i will be damm sad can..
so jus let me ba..
hahas..damm sad sia..
love me ma my dear frenz here od u ppl jus hate me?


Happy Birthday MR SENG!

so damm pissed la can..
my sister so irritatin la can..
she go tell my parents tat i pinch and push her la..
then is lyk i nvr lol..
then i get scoldin frm my parents..
then now i cryin lyk hell eyes swollen..
then they nvr ask properly they scold me so damm unfair to ME..
why cant they ask 1st b4 they cum scold me la..

I HATE MYSELF..I HATE MYSELF..
i injured myself le..
my hand veri pain..so damm pain la can..
move oso damm pain..i take pen oso cannot pain la..
so wad no one care so wad 4 i care so much about myself then?
why is happenin to me again?
the easy way:
i think i jus go up to the past me lyk livin in my own world..
1 dark and lonely world of my hu cares so much abt me for wad..
make no difference to my frenz or my family..
so wad for u ppl care abt me?
no one lyk me to be around so i think i jus stay
in 1 corner all by myself then since i make no difference to them all..
stay all alone by myself ..
talk to myself..
solve my things myself dun wan to depend on anyone anymore..
they care cos they nid help frm me..
wen u ppl dun nid help u ppl dump me aside all by myself so im use to wad u ppl given me..
how can i change u ppl tell me?
how to ?
so wad if i dun lyk all this..i still have to live wif all this rite..


i wonderin my day 2day good or bad de lol..
haiz..so damm tired lol 2day..sian la..
2day durin trainin damm fun la can..
feel so good sum ppl not dere..
but she dere oso make no difference 2 me can..
then esther yeo ar and weiyaya..
this 2 ar..again then u all then u noe..
keep on fallin siao one lei..
then both sum more injured urself..
then 2morrow u 2 better becareful la can dun fall so many times can..
my dear 2 good frenz here..

clare sae noe my blog damm slow lei u..
i expose my blog so damm long liao..
2weeks ago then u noe..abit late liao rite?
hey SUHAN wen u have a daughter ar?
hu the lucky wife of urs ar?tell me lei can ma?
hahas..=)

havin to noe SUHAN as my new fren..hahas..
so sian..I LOVE TO HAVE LOADS OF GODSISTERS..
they rocks sia..they are always the best to me lyk my family lyk tat..
WONDER PEOPLE HU NOE ME DO U ALL FIND ME IRRTATIN MA?
pls tell me thanz..if yes i wan to change..hahas..
is real i wanna change de..so ya..
havin godsister is the best of all..
cos i dun think they will leave me aside lyk wad sum of my frenz did 2me..
so havin GODSISTERS around is the best..
I SO LOVE U GUYS..rock on godsisters..frenz..hahas..

but i feel sad oso lei..
haiz..i feel tat those ppl hu i always sms to find me irrtatin la can..
or they are jus busy ar?
sms to feel relax lol..but ppl dun reply me so damm sad de lol..
which i dun really wan to be sad de lol..
but wad can i still do nth lol..

i love to sms wad ur problem la..
feel so lonely now in my life..
ppl sae i EMO..go ahead and sae ba i dun care abt it liao le
ok fine i EMO lol..and oso a loner lol..
dun bother abt me anymore ppl..dun care me la..
WHY CANT ANYONE LYK ME LEI?WHY?
tell me why ?i cried lots of times cos of this can..

actually my mood 4 the day is veri good and happy de lol..
in class so slack 2day MR SENG nvr cum 2day 4 lesson so free..
then i lyk use my hp and mp4 in class..
my frenz sae they are veri shock abt it..
DURING CCA...
tats where the nightmare started..
wen it start i still veri happy de..
abt 5 plus it started..WHY TIS HAPPEN??
then nvm i dun care abt it..
then after trainin i cried cos i jus feel tat
i jus cant do it liao le..
i tried to control my feelings liao le..
but i still can ..
they are jus too much..
go and tell ppl ta i scold her FUCKIN BITCH..
which i nvr even scold anyone in the team 2day la can..
is lyk i can feel tat ppl in the team dun trust me liao le lol..
so wad for i still wan their trust now on use liao le..
cos of HER..so pissed wif her..
i GIVE UP i dunno wad i can do now liao la..
is lyk the team sae they themselves wanna train hard 4 next year..
but now i think they totally 4got abt wad we wan to aim..
so wad if i train my veri best every trainin..
if the team slack i train so hard 4 wad no point lol..
I CANT FIND MUCH TRUST IN THE TEAM LIAO...
i choose to give up..alwways wen i try my best sth will happen tat day de..
i dun wan to give up..i jus cant..
but the ppl in the team make me feel this way..
i train hard myself cant really help the team itself..
i cant play myself to win..
ALL I WAN IS THE TEAM I HAVE WORK HARD TOWARDS WAD WE AIM 4 SO LONG..
im no longer the past me i have change liao le..
i love this CCA which im in now..
but wad i get in the end is NOTHIN..
so i choose to walk this path tat i choose all by myself..
i dun nid any help any more..
i will still be strong to continue the path i choose to the end..
i will keep on tryin de.

i feeling sad now la..
dunno why i feel tat i burden the people around..
veri stress..dunno wad to do..
i think this is correct for me:
"once a loner always a loner"
maybe it is rite..my fate is a loner..
can i change it i really dunno..
then nowadays my friends dun really lyk to talk to me..
even group wif the people i dun really work wif..
then all my frenz always have their own frenz..
leave me all alone..haiz my life is so "WONDERFUL"..
I DUN LYK THE LIFE I HAVE NOW..
i wanna change but HOW?
sometimes i really wonder why am i born here?
WHY ? WHY?someone tell me..
I HATE MYSELF..WHY AM I LYK TAT??
no one lyk me to be around..
i jus hope tat i die soon so will not burden anyone in life..
so pls let me die if i can ba..pls..thanz..
tell me la hu wanna be to be around..
i noe myself de lol..
lots of ppl hope tat i will not around..
i noe sum ppl is frm my cca..
i noe sth abt wad they do la..
i jus wan more care concern love trust..
i noe ppl will sae i EMO..
i dun care wad u ppl sae liao le..
u ppl dunno how i feel wen u are in my shoes
im cryin now la..hu cares la..








i so damm happy..
i noe a new friend name called SHUHAN..
frm swimmin..hahas..from NDP..
when she put on make up look a bit funny..
BUT she still look nice la..hahas..
ONLI some people put on make up really really dun look nice at all..
then i bring potato chips and chocolates..
the food dere sucks la idun lyk it so damm dry lol..
hahas..but NDP still veri nice..
the costume all white..nice la..
all of us look so nice in it..so love it..

Feeling so good to have so much godsisters around..
they are the best of all..
frm my CCA..NDP..
really feel nice to have godsister ard to be dere wif me..

my darling dun cry liao le la..
wad is done is done cannot be indone rite agree?
so pls pls cheer up la..
ur frenz or team mates dun care abt u..
i care a lot 4 u de can dun 4get abt me..
i will be dere to help u and to cheer u up de..
so jus try to 4get wad happen 2day..
jus start a fresh day 2morrow la..
when u feel upset i will oso de la..
u cry i oso will cry..
so happy we happy 2gether..
sad we sad 2gether ..
cry cry 2gether..
i willin to share wif u wadever i have wif u all.
so share urs wif me if u willin to share it wif me..

i feel that im useless..
i cant help anyone even myself..
so hopeless..no hope of doin better things in life..
haiz why is my lyk tat de?
i dun wan it but i cant change..

what woud i change?
my attitude..cos i noe tat cos of my attitude sometimes
cant really get along wif them then i will feel veri lonely in life..

my cca..cos sometimesi noe tat some of my team mates dun really lyk
me to be around..even if i play well in the team oso no use at all..
no one care about it wad so wad 4 i still stay around then..
but i really love this cca...esp the juniors treat me the best..
so happy to have them around wif me..so i will feel accompany..
not lyk tat time i so lonely no one to talk to or play wif always i noe tat i will be the extra 1 in sec3..haiz..wad can i still do nth i noe..




so i forget about them and live life as it used to be
cos if god wanted to have his creation to be like this then he wouldn't have created you
he wanted his creations to be happy
so jus let me 4get all those unhappy things t=and start i fresh day again..
so same to u guys who cum to my blog..
u can share it wif ur frenz... family members..me(if u wan 2 la)..teachers..
or whoever u feel comfortable wif can liao le..
so guys do take good care of urself..
do treasure the people around u..
when they are not around alr dun regetted abt what is done..
so pls treasure the people around u..

im jealous abt the people around me sometimes la..
haiz why?i wonder..
sum people is lyk so damm close to one another
i wan oso but i think will not have de can..
haiz so hopeless la me..no use to anyone de can..
but my darling u 2 are the best..but i wan more..but i think i will not have
so why bother abt it then..but i wan la..
no hope for me liao le..tell me who wanna be close to me?
no one i noe the answer..haiz..sad sia..hate my life sometimes..
i wanna change..i really wan to..

feel so damm happy now..
i love 2day but still a bit not happy la..
wad i dun lyk is my class pissed me off la..
but this is this not the worse day lol..
hahas..
hu wanna noe me better i dun mind u add me
patty_t1233@hotmail.com
add me in friendster too..
hahas..thanz..
love u guys..
miss me ok..

i hate 2day it really sux!
all because of my cca..
haiz y my team lyk tat de..
cos of a group of people la...
dun think i dunno wad u ppl talkin abt ccn i have ears de can
i m not deaf la can..lyk onli u ppl can chow faces to me ar..
no lol i oso can de la i oso human can..
i have feelings de la..

i really feel tat im not in a team anymore la..
i feel so damm extra now..
even zeb n esther same class as me i oso still feel damm extra..
i wonder do they really treat me as their team mates or not la can..
why is my life lyk tat de..
i so hate this can is ruin my whole mood durin volleyball trainin la..

the people in volleyball tat treat me the best is the SEC 1S (2007)..
so lyk them to be around when im upset tat time u wil ask me why..
they noe tat i m not close to the SEC 2 & 3(2007)..
I HATE THEM BUT SOME OF THEM STILL THE BEST LYK THE SEC1S..
why they treat me in this way which i dun really lyk it abt..

my grandma stayin in hospital..
so damm worry 4 her la..
wonder when she can cum out la..

haiz why ppl sae i EMO de..
im not can i oso human oso have feelings de but im not emo can..
I AM NOT I EMO KID..
when do ppl will understand how i
really feel deep inside me lei??


i hate myself no one noe how i really feel inside..

i hate 2day 5 july 2007...
i cried la cos of my stupid class of my...
sum of them dun respect me at all la..
i not transparent lei i have feelings de lei..
I AM STILL A HUMAN BEGIN LEI..
i m not a animal de lei..
why please why u ppl do this to me..
hey u all think tat a MONITOR veri easy to be ar..
no lol i tell u if u sae its easy u do la i give u the post lol..
be a monitor have 2 see u ppl de attitude all tis..
i not k..
i m not lyk this type of person de can..
i dun work wif this type of ppl de k..

2day i feel sick la..
my body feel so weak suddenly la..
my leg damm pain so damm hard to walk la..
2day i feel so sick jus feel lyk jus lyin on the bed tats all la..
but i cant lol..
hahas..

hey people hu tag me ar..
my i ask u all 1 queston:
-IS DERE ANYTHING U DUN LYK ABT ME?-
-IS DERE ANYTHING U LYK ABT ME?-

PLS ANS THIS 2 QUESTIONS PLS...
thanz ar reply me at the tag board..
love u guys lots
esp my GALFRENZ all..
esp my GODSISTERS all..

RULES:
*do not SPAM
*make sure you TAG!
*do no INSULT people here. its not an insult chatroom here
*dun cum my blog write rubbish



ILOVEYOU!DARLING!!UARETHEBEST!!
PATRICIA
250192
patty_t1233@hotmail.com
Sjcian Volleyballer
IJ OLN- IJ SJC
3Benevolence'07
Volleyball is Loveee <33
Add me on :patty_t1233@hotmail.com
St Elizabeth
Those god-sisters
DARLING
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surf the net
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take neoprints
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emo
spammers
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onli noe hw to make ppl upset
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being neglected
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new fone
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